背着乌龟壳，马拉松式地，我在绷跑着！！

有一种人，天生就爱拿痛苦来背。就算知道路会走得很辛苦，虽然很气，还是愿意继续走下去。为了什么？这种人完全不会去为这些痛苦找借口。他们就是习惯，不生气，不计较，不记仇。换来的，虽然总是大家的不谅解，他们却都不会因此而改变。

虽然犯贱，虽然很愚蠢，但若这世界上的人都那么自私自利，不管别人死活，这世界还剩下些什么？不要说是现实使到人们改变，到最后，人都还是必须向现实低头。那我只能说，这样的人生，是不快乐的。

畏畏缩缩过一辈子，害怕被责怪，害怕失败，害怕别人认为自己不好。一些人就是永远为了别人眼中的自己而活。我突然觉得自己活得很坦荡，我时常失败，时常跌倒，时常有人说我不好，我却都不以为意。我只害怕辜负其他人，我害怕内疚的感觉。

我就是这么一个滥好人，一个大家都笑我笨的滥好人。我可以背着别人的错误慢慢地站起来。不哭，要坚强，虽然很辛苦，但我会坚持。

我有乌龟的精神， 背着乌龟壳，马拉松式地，我在绷跑着！！命运，我们赌一赌！

Archived Pictures Found in my Lappie (Kelly's Birthday)

I hate squatting in front of lappie alone and waiting for nobody....

How could he dump me at home and went for supper without ME???

I swear I will whack him up until he begs for mercy!

***********************************************************

I promised to upload some pictures here but afta so long only I recall

SORRY, Princess Kelly!

Here to upload some pictures of Kelly's birthday celebration at Red Box, THE CURVE branch!! God, I love that place! The Curve is always the best place to hang out!

Had a wonderful lunch at Italianies. Jun and Birthday girl, Princess Kelly!~

All of us. ^^

Me and mah beloved 'Siu Lai'

Fake candid shot.

Kelly, from left, me, Liyuen the Siu Lai and mah sister!

Four sampat bitches. HA!

Kelly's first attempt.

2nd attempt. Water leakage version.

3rd attempt. Water flowing up from nose version.

Final attempt. Birthday girl spouting water.

All of us again!! In the karaoke room.

Surprise for Kelly. A Cake and Doraemon's favorite Dorayaki. Kelly was pranked at first with a Dorayaki and she really thought that was the birthday cake (representative) that we prepared for her. Funniest thing was, she looked so contented and delighted with the Dorayaki. ( Serious?!) She really appreciated what we gave to her, so touching....Well played, Kelly. LOL!

The second shot, taken by the waiter.

And she really felt happy with the real cake the waiter then brought into our room.

Birthday girl with her cake and Dora cake.LOL.

Bbuuphh** with saliva, then end of this post.

That was a day to remember. When will be our next meeting?? When are we gonna sing our lung out again? Miss you babes!

Time for bed. Nite!

Forget. Forgive.

我是不是真的那么经不起考验？
想离开的念头还是挥不去。大家都叫我再来过，你还这么年轻，仅一次的失败并不算什么。

我知道，我懂。我想告诉你们，你们想的，客套的，对的，同情的，我全都感受到，全都懂。我只是觉得我装得好累了。

你们可以笑我太单纯，不能接受社会的现实，但我只能说，这个社会的现实，是一直存在的，我知道它一直存在着。我只是无法相信，原来社会上早已没有‘真心’这种东西。

一直都能将不开心的事搁一边，然后继续做我该完成的事，这一次却不能。或许是真的觉得很受伤吧？

天啊，才觉得自己很幸福，就来了一宗这样的事。神啊，我知道你听见我，可不可以指引我一条路，一条我应该走的路？

Forget. Forgive.


我想，我其实应该谢谢伤害我的人，是他们让我成长。

我也想谢谢帮助过我的人，是他们在我不如意时扶我一把。

我真的应该感恩，即使离开将会是我的决定，即使这样的决定将破坏我们的关系，我还是会衷心感谢及祝福他们。

Disguise

我竟然还在寻找答案
真是傻得可笑
曾经看不起做作的人
而现在看一看我自己
其实也只是半斤八两

我不害怕成为别人眼中的失败者
最害怕的是，连我自己都开始看不起我自己

我只是一个一直在掩饰自己的骗子。。。

I just need time

Taking a deep breathe, finally it comes to an end, though it is heart-wrenching, but from there I learn how to be strong.

I vowed not to cry in front of them, as I knew, I need to take the responsibility of what had gone wrong. From this case, I found out the true colors, that is definitely painful but the damn-est thing is, I never even hate or blame them, although reversely I was accused and blamed on everything.

Yet, from this case, I also found loads of truth where only people we think they wont understand, understand the most. I feel grateful on those people who seldom talk to me, and to be precise they probably dont even know me much, but they always trust me. My tears were dropped for them, the true hearts. People who lay their hands on me when things got really bad, they never talked much, but action did it all.

And I always thought I got a lot of true friends, but now I realized how dumbass I am. I trusted them, but on their side, they never. I am a fake gay, I am such hypocrite until I smile to them to let them know that I am okay. This is a silent case as behind those smiley face, in their thoughts, I am the sinner.

It ends, I fall, and I will be standing up high again. I just need time...

The Tormenting Last Week

Received God's words that made my tears dropped totally out of my control..and yes, He is the one who understands me the most! Finally, someone told me to give all my burdens to, I had been carrying them for so long, it's time for me to let go my burdens and my worries to Him. I feel reincarnated, and its Him, who made me so.

WHILE

I was sick for 1 week, I first thought that was because of the supplement that I had just started taking it for 2 weeks, I thought that was the reaction by the supplement. Then I got my body ache for few days, back ache for few days, fever & high fever on and off, and puked, sore throat, then headache like its going to explode anytime. Then, drastically, I sweated like no mama business then I felt so much better after the tormenting 1 week period.

I went to a doctor when my high fever was so serious and everyone think that I should seriously seek for a doctor. Then I got to take 6 kind of medication, and one of them that I think I must mention here is the super strong antibiotic which the doctor thinks is a must for me as my condition was really bad. And the doctor told me, if the antibiotic didn't work at me, I'd better be charged to hospital because I might got dengue. WHAT?! Many people around me suspected dengue on me, as I always get stung by mosquitoes and I was like get attacked by a team of military trained mosquitoes, they would never stop attacking me especially in my office. The funny thing is I was always the only victim. People told me that I must be aware of those mosquitoes as mosquitoes in town are possibly AEDES Mosquitoes.

Sound so serious, but luckily the super strong antibiotic worked on me, I can now bounce here and there like I used to.

The Pet's Story II

My house is completely like a pet's store now! 4 hammies, 2 dogs & 1 cat. Plus the newcomer Bebe the dumpy Shi Tzu, my house is getting more chaotic now. What's your feeling when you wake up early in the morning the first thing you see on the ground is poo and pee?

And all of us had further another skill, which is the skill of avoiding poo and pee on the floor. Tip-toeing and you gotta stop your breath all the way until you successfully across those landmines and arrive your destination. Okay, it might be a little exaggerating but I gotta tolerate with all these!

But luckily, Bebe is just temporarily staying at my place. By the way, he is cute though a little slow and stupid. The fascinating part is, he starts making friends with all the animals in my house including BenDan, the evil cat. We can't help laughing our souls out when seeing them cuddling together and playing with each other.

Pets are troublesome, but no doubt they are good companions in life, bring joys and make our house merrier.

My Scary Experiences and My Body

I dunno why I feel so pissed off when I got to know my cholesterol level, which is higher than normal not to say critical but I am advised to be more aware of my own diet. And every time when I look at myself into the mirror I am agonized by my own body, what's wrong with it? I am never a thin one, but my figure now is much worse than it was. How I wish I could get my old days back...I can't even put myself on my old clothes.

The nutritionist said it is probably due to my diet, sleeping habit, emotion or maybe I was stressed out. All these factor my high cholesterol. I don't really agree with diet as I did control my diet...not very strict but at least I did control a little by not taking much of oily stuffs, I ate a lot of veggies and it is way alot than before. Maybe I am getting older and my metabolism rates went down, but I have tried to cut down many things which are not healthy in my daily diet program unless sometimes I have to attend some dinners. I cut down a lot of my food portion, and I don't eat much lately since I felt something wrong with my body.

I always worried about my body, as I can feel something went wrong already. I dared not to find out the problem but before I went for body check-up, I must make myself at least better than the worst condition of my body. And I put efforts in controlling diet, exercising and taking health supplement.

You must be wondering what makes me think that my body has gone wrong. I don't know if any of you have gone through this kind of feeling when you think of to do something, your brain tell your parts to do it but your other body parts don't really do the exactly is assigned to. This first happened when I was in my secondary, I used to play piano, and I enjoyed playing piano as it is my life. And I forgot when, it happened around 7 to 8 years ago, one day when I was playing piano, my mind suddenly blank-out and my fingers stopped on the keys in the sudden and they were not under my control, not moving for maybe 5 to 10 minutes. I thought I was going paralyzed, and don't know why I cried to myself bitterly at that time. I don't know why would it happen, its like the clock in my brain had stopped working but I ain't a cyborg! How could this be possibly happened on me? By not knowing how, I felt like a mummy who is totally lost on how to nurture her rebellious kids, that lost. That was very scary, I am so fear of this kind of feeling. Like I am going to the heaven in any time.

This kind of feeling do come back at times, and I could feel myself is moving and thinking slower compared to year ago. Does this mean I am getting seriously older? I dared not tell anyone, even my family as I know they will think that is not a big deal at all. I don't wanna make them think that I am a paranoid. But that had make me a little phobia of playing piano. Then finally, I had my body check-up, everything is quite fine, but some old people's problems, cholesterol and too much consumption of protein.

If all those scary experiences were caused by my cholesterol and protein, it is considered not so scary after all. At least they are something I could maybe work out on it myself, dont have to go through surgery. Thank God by the way, I am still considered okay, will take good care of myself, I swear!

I hope he will be fine there

I never wanted things to come to this stage. Making decision like this is very hard for me, been repeatedly asking myself, if this is the right decision to be made, wondering and pondering, I even was imagining the worst scenario and the best sweet situation that would probably happen on today. Waiting and panicking, I prayed for the best and prepared for the worst; this day came finally. I think this is probably the cruelest decision I have ever made, but what could I do when I know that was the best way out of all the worst.

I sent my brother to youth centre today, not by myself of course, but three strangers who were paid to sent him there. Me and my mom were told not to be there as all of us know that our attendance there would interrupt the process of 'sending' him to the rehab centre. My brother, from his very young age up to today, was always a naughty one. He became very rebellious especially on his adolescent age, a real troublemaker who has raised sorts of problem that mentally harassed us.

Stealing, fighting, playing truant, bullying weaklings, vandalising, participating triad, all kind of things that qualified a bad boy could be found on him. How could we endure with this kind of kid? he is only 15! We always thought that he will one day grow up and feel guilty of what he had done. We have tried many different ways to cope with him, with care, love, restriction and everything one could think of, but none could cure.

I think the most pathetic thing is not because of the ways we have tried very hard didn't work, but no matter how hard we tried, he couldn't feel the love we showered on him. I seek for advices, and everyone besides me strongly agree with my decision of sending him to centre. That is the only way, looks cruel but that will make him a good man in the future and not a piece of trash. He used to respect and love me, but I know he is probably hating me now. No tears were dropped, but I couldn't explain the feeling of lost when I was sitting on the couch, all kind of feelings were in a riot, deranged my mind.

I hope when the next time I see him, he will be much different and become a real man. All of us hope so, I truthfully hope the outcome won't turn out worse.

何谓马来西亚华人——我们是马来西亚人，但不是马来人，我们是华人，但不是中国人

【请大家转载】在校内发了第一篇过后，真没想到校内影响力那么大，能传得那么广。于是，我突然有一个想法，想有意识地运用校内的这种影响力，让大家更好地认识马来西亚华人这个群体。当然，以下只是我个人的想法，只代表我个人的立场。我的朋友，请帮忙转载，当帮我一个忙；大马同胞，也请帮忙转载；不认识的朋友，如果你觉得这篇文章稍有可取之处，也请帮忙转载~谢谢大家啊！

第一、尴尬的存在



场景1

当我刚到中国时，人们问我的第一个问题总是：“你的汉语怎么说得那么好啊？”紧接着“来到中国多说年了？”、“难道是从小学汉语吗？”



场景2

当时我和中文系的辩论队一起看01年的国际大专辩论赛决赛，马来亚大学的三辩提到“日本军在南京大屠杀凌虐我中华妇女”，有位同学问我“你们也提中华妇女吗？”



从我到中国以来，以上的情况遇上了无数遍，于是我很早就想写一篇文章来告诉大家：马来西亚的华人是一个什么样的存在。这个题目很大，我只能从我切身的体会和感受来写这篇文章。



缘起

先用一个大家都熟悉的历史背景来做开场白。1840以来，中国进入了一个动乱的时期。一方面，好些中国人想往外逃窜；另一方面，西方列强想捉苦力到东南亚地区为他们服务。于是，大量的中国人（尤其是福建、广东一带）就散布到东南亚各个地区，其中就包括了马来西亚。



尴尬的存在

当人家问我“你的汉语怎么说得那么好啊？”这么一个简单的问题时，我还真觉得这不是一句话就能解释的问题。最简单的回答就是：“因为我祖先是中国人”，但是有人又会问：“那么为什么好多印尼人就不会说汉语了呢？”问题的复杂之处就在这里。

从迁居到马来西亚，我们的先贤就特别重视中文的教育，通过私塾、宗祠等单位教授三字经、四书五经等教材，后来随着中国教育体制的改革而改革。这个时期，我们的祖先基本上还是以中国人自居，黄花岗七十二烈士就有二十九人是华侨、抗日战争时期全体华侨出钱出力、著名的华侨陈嘉庚创办厦大、集美大学。。。。。。这样的事情不胜枚举。

后来，随着居住马来西亚日久，我们的命运渐渐在这片土地上生了根。从马来西亚（大马）方面来看，我们开始更多地关注大马的政治，与马来族、印度族联手争取从英国的殖民统治中独立。从中国方面来看，周恩来总理提出：华侨应在其居住地生根发芽。但是，不变的是：我们始终坚持自己的母语教育。

在印尼，由于当地华侨没有组成统一的阵线，于是他们不能拥有中文名字、不能庆祝农历新年；在中国人普遍认为完好地传承了中华文化的新加坡，李光耀总理主动地消灭了中文教育，关闭了新加坡唯一以中文为教学媒介的南洋大学，全体人民学习英文，于是目前多数新加坡人的母语是英语。如今，随着中国的崛起，中文的“经济”价值日益提高，许多东南亚国家才掀起了“汉语热”。唯一的例外是马来西亚，因为我们的先贤从头到尾就没有以“经济”作为考量，而是从“民族文化”出发。

那么，难道马来西亚就没有遭遇当地政府的阻挠吗？有！而且很大！马来西亚教育终极的目标是：以马来语为唯一的教学媒介语，换言之，华语、淡米尔语的中小学迟早都得消灭。60年代，大马政府规定：只有以马来语为教学媒介语的学校才能获得政府的津贴，于是许多中文中学纷纷改制，变为政府中学。这时，我们的先贤，以林连玉先生为代表，明确地提出：学习母语是每个民族的天赋人权，即使不要一分钱的津贴，我们也要办独立中学！

于是，马来西亚的华文教育保留了下来，华小以及民办的独立中学、学院形成完整的中文教育的体系，甚至创立了“全马来西亚独立中学统一考试”，受全球各高校承认（除了马来西亚的大学），我们基本上就是以这张文凭为基础考进北大的。在这个过程中，多少先贤抛头颅、洒热血，林连玉先生被褫夺公民权、好多人被大马政府关押、无数的民众以自己的血汗钱支持独立中学。



但是，来到中国，没有人知道这一切。不止中国，我相信全世界的人都不知道这一切，不知道被我们称为“族魂”的林连玉，不知道马来西亚的华人用血、汗和泪水来争取母语教育的权利。于是，中国的同学反过来问我们：“为什么你们会说汉语？”时，我真觉得这是巨大的讽刺。



尤其，当中国同学问起我：“为什么你们也说‘中华妇女’？”时------尽管不理智------我还是立时火了：“为什么日军侵袭时，马来西亚的华人要出钱出力？为什么同一年发生缅甸风灾和四川大地震时，我们华人对后者的捐款额要远远大于前者，我们难道就没有资格称自己为‘中华民族’吗？”



当我来到北大的图书馆文学图书时，看着满目的“美国文学”、“印度文学”。。。。。。当我看到“新加坡文学”，而没看到“马来西亚文学”时，我更感到十分凄凉，以至于讽刺。我们浴血抗战，创建了一套完整的中文教育体系，有完整的“马华文学”，而这一切在中华文化的发源地------中国是得不到承认的。反倒是曾经废除过南大的新加坡，由于其更为强大的国势，反而被认为是在海外完整地传承了中华文化的国家。



“尴尬”之处就在于此：努力地捍卫中华文化，不为马来西亚政府承认，亦不为世人所知，里外不是人。这就是马来西亚华人第一种存在：尴尬的存在。



第二、独立的存在



独立的存在，另一个说法是孤立的存在。“马来西亚华人”这个词儿意味着：我们是马来西亚人，但不是马来人（中国朋友最大的误会~囧）；我们是华人，但不是中国人。于是，一种特殊的群体和文化产生了，独立于世界之林。



我们跟其他马来西亚人（例如马来人、印度人）的差别很明显，黄皮肤在一片黑色的人海之中额外显眼，不同的语言、不同的文化。但是，在日常生活中我们相处得十分融洽-------马来人其实真的是很好相处的，什么种族冲突全是政府搞出来的-------整个群体都受到马来族极大的影响，这就铸成了我们好多的共同点，而与他们的这些共同点恰恰就是我们和中国人的相异之处。



最明显的差异就是口头表达。首先是口音，我朋友总说：“看你的时候一点都不像外国人，但你一说话我们就马上知道了。”在辩论赛场上时，我的一口马来腔更是显得极为突兀。所谓马来西亚口音，大概就是广东腔+福建腔，翘舌少、轻声较少（个人认为）、没有儿化、语调趋平。其次是词汇，以中文词汇为主体，再加上各种方言、马来语、英语的词汇，各种语气词“啦”、“咯”、“哄”层出不穷。大家有兴趣的话，可以去百度打“马来西亚VS中国”，马上就能找到许多具体的例子。



但是，我以为：更深层的差距不在嘴巴，而在脑子里。有一次，中文系的徐艺峰师兄领着我们留学生辩论队讨论一个辩题，他最感叹的就是：“如果是跟中国学生讨论，第三个衡量标准一定是‘何者更有利于社会主义的建设’。”看看中国同学的课就知道，什么思修、毛概、邓小平思想、军事理论，这些似乎都离我们的生活很远很远。冷战时期资本主义阵营和社会主义阵营的分家就决定了我们意识形态上的不同。



撇开这个问题不谈，即使同样都继承了中华文化，两地的继承也是有所不同的。在这里，大部分的人都信仰“无神论”。但是，我们那里好多人都还信仰观十八罗汉、观音娘娘、关公、济公、齐天大圣等，不一而足。不止大量的神庙，我们还保留了大量的宗祠、会馆，并且还在华人社区发挥着一定的作用。由于我对中国的现代化进程还算有一定的了解，以上这些还不足以让我惊讶，真正让我吃惊的是中国风气的开放。校内校外，情侣相拥亲吻的情况无所不在，这还真不是我想象中的中国。当然，我们那里也有很开放的人，但是可以肯定的是：马来西亚的华人普遍上要比中国人保守得多（嗯~至少跟我的家乡相比）。



此外，许多大马华人一致公认的是：中国学生真的很多“学术牛人”，大体上比我们那儿的人要勤劳的多。中国人多竞争大，我所认识的每位同学一个个都是从高考的腥风血雨中杀出来的英雄豪杰，他们那股永不言倦的冲劲着实让我们折服。相较而言，马来西亚人则比较慵懒，更倾向于做自己喜欢的事、享受自己的人生。因此，我们玩起来比较放浪形骸，比较不顾形象，大声吵、大声笑、大声闹。



既不是马来人，也不是中国人，我们仿佛就是另一种程度上的混血儿，所以或许我们有点孤单。但是，这或许就是我们独特的优势：既传承了悠久的中华文化，又成长在一个相对宽松自由的舆论环境，想法更自由、更多元。所以，即使我们这个群体在世界上似乎很孤立，但如果让我有机会选择，我仍然愿意出生在马来西亚，当马来西亚的华人。



第三、悲壮的存在



“宝剑锋自磨砺出，梅花香自苦寒来”，这一句俗语在马来西亚人身上得到绝佳的体现。在过去，马来人、华人、印度人曾经联手争取了国家的独立；但是，随着马来人逐渐独掌大权（再注：对马来人的抨击仅限政治人物），华人、印度人的地位也日渐衰弱。首先，马来语成了唯一的官方语言。再来，马来西亚教育的最终目标定为：“使马来语成为唯一的教学媒介语”。



但是，最大的转折点是六、七十年代的“五·一三事件”。由于华人比较刻苦耐劳，比其他的民族来得富有，无形中造成了民族间的矛盾。出于权力斗争的目的，政治人物鼓动马来人屠杀华人。于是，第二任首相敦拉萨借此宣布国家进入“紧急状态”，顺势上台，颁布了一系列不平等的法令。在经济上，每家公司都至少要雇用30%的土著（其实就是马来人和其他极少部分的少数民族）；在教育上，大学也实施固打制，要保留一定的份额给土著。此外，对中文教育的打压更是变本加厉，影响力最大的就是改制事件，即不以马来语为主要教学媒介语的政府中学都领不到政府一分钱的津贴。



打压归打压，但是马来西亚华人依然在暴风雨中茁壮成长。如第一篇所述，我们发展出了一套完整的中文教育，各领域人才辈出。大家熟知的梁静茹、曹格、光亮皆是马来西亚华人；大家现在人手一支的U盘是马来西亚的潘建忠发明的；在华语辩论界上，马来西亚以其犀利的辩风在世界上占有一席之地；如今，马来西亚的十大首富中也大部分是华人。



但是，从这里我们可以看到一些很可悲的现实。大马华人自己创办的独立中学培养了无数英才那又怎样？全世界大部分高等学府都承认我们的统考文凭时，唯有马来西亚政府不承认！马来亚大学在辩坛创出赫赫威名那又怎样？在政府控制下的马来亚大学还曾经试图禁止马大的辩手参赛！梁静茹、潘建忠等辈就更加可悲了，许多人都以为他们是台湾人！潘建忠自己就说过：“如果我留在马来西亚，不可能会有今天的成就。”因为在马来西亚，华人发展的空间有限，报国无门又无法自我实现，不出国发展还能怎样？



于是，马来西亚的华人成长是成长了，可是那跟政府什么毛关系都没有。因为我们政府很慷慨，在全世界都在争夺人才时，我们政府眼看马来西亚出现人才外流的滚滚洪流仍然可以视而不见！在马来西亚大力提倡向外吸纳人才时，去看看，有多少马来西亚的人才在新加坡工作！有一次，我们国家的首相到新加坡访问，探访一间医院时，竟然有一半以上的人用马来语跟他致敬！这是何等的讽刺！



我原本把第三篇命名为“令人骄傲的存在”，可是后来改成了“悲壮”。的确，我们有很傲人的成就。可是，在我们有心报效祖国时，却只能被不公平的政策拒之国门。马来西亚那么一块宝地，没有天灾、资源丰富、文化多样，又居于世界要冲，如果真的有英明的政府，摇身变为世界强国绝非难事！反观新加坡，没有什么自然资源，又是弹丸之地，可是，现在我们只有眼睁睁看着自己的国家成了新加坡的腹地，眼看着从马来西亚分离出去的新加坡一天比一天强大！这种感觉真的很复杂，真的很难以言喻！



谓之“悲壮”，我想应该甚为贴切。



后记



可能很多人很意外，我从小时候开始就自认为自己是个中国人。从小读的书就是《西游记》、《水浒传》、《三国演义》、《杨家将》、《岳飞传》。影响我一生最大的一套书大概就是一套三十本的中国历史漫画图集。在我小小脑海中，出现的总是滚滚的黄土和快马飞驰的勇将。长大了一点，看过《中国人史纲》、《中国寓言》，偶尔会翻翻《唐诗三百首》。



那时，我真的自认为我是中国人，我的文化之根和这里的人是联系在一起的。



于是，我的梦想就是回归中国。英文我认为不重要，因为我要去中国，从没认真学；马文我更是碰都不碰，甚至常以考不好马来文自嘲。可以说，我很偏执。我只有认为有必要的东西我才会认真去学。到了高二，我的国际视野才宽广到足以让我理解英文的重要性，我从那时开始才急起直追，算是打下了一定的基础，但是绝没到“好”的程度。但是，马来文，我始终不愿意去学习，在统考中马文拿了惨兮兮的“B6”还常拿去说嘴。



去年9月，我来到了中国，就读于中国最好的大学，学习着自己最想念的中文系，一切看起来都像梦想成真。但是，来到了这里，我才第一次深刻地体会到：我是马来西亚人。我才第一次感觉到：我有可能是爱国的。在祖国成长的每一部分，不管是口音、思维等，都在我的生命里留下不可磨灭的痕迹。即使我可能算是马来西亚里最中国的一小撮人，即使我跟很多中国同学相处得不错，但是我仍然能深刻地体会到我们的不同之处。不管怎么样，在中国，只要是外国人，就真的只是外国人。



那么我到底该何去何从？这是我一整个学期都在思考的问题。在迷茫中，在摸索中，我才会写出上面的三篇文章，试图找到马来西亚华人的定位，试图找到自己的定位，然后决定自己以后要到哪里发展。我个人认为，不管是留在中国还是去到西方，就注定了只能收到单方面的信息，很难认清这个世界的真相。此外，留在中国，或许就只能是成为一个尴尬、孤立的个体。去到西方国家，那更是彻底地孤立，存活在一堆思维截然不同的陌生人之中，甚至还可能面临他们的排斥。



可能，我仍然会回去马来西亚，即使我们目前仍然要活在打压之中，即使要存活在一个难以实现自我的空间。但是，我或许可以用手中的一票继续给国阵施加那千万分之一的压力，做自己想做的事，做一个开心的人。即使薪水不高，即使物质生活不丰裕，即使很难真正地实现自我，但是只要能在自己最熟悉的家乡、跟喜欢的人在一起，幸福或许就那么简单不是吗？



满纸荒唐言，

一把辛酸泪；

都云作者痴，

谁解其中味？

转摘至http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=141937882491446&id=1333934376

M going to Taiwan

Sky so high, star so bright
even in the daylight

Say goodnight, say bye-bye
even tho I am burning midnight oil


BORING~

But yay, am going to Taiwan on 2nd August
AKA my birthday!

Bad timing at the same time, guess many people will take the chance not to buy me any present as I will not be around.><

But I still hope u guys could get my present prepared.Hehe

You think you are good?You are not there yet!

Dee Dee Dee~~~
Paging to all Gossip aunties and uncles, please follow the steps below:

1. wake up in the morning, brush your teeth and don't forget to look at yourself carefully into mirror.
2. think about what u have done yesterday that hurt others feeling.
3. think about what you have said yesterday which is not based on truth.
4. think about your own children, are they really that good?
   
5. think about yourself, are u really that perfect?
6. just zip your mouth or you will make yourself more awful than the one you are always gossiping at.

Congratulation, you have earned another wisdom so you are about there to go to heaven.Thanks for doing so.

I'm not a rude person, I do respect elderly people. Why don't some of you just be a cute old people that loved by everyone? You can look down on other people, but please be sure that you are that noble and pleasant.

Balinese design

Got a chance to expand our business to Batu Pahat, a town which MAD loaded people are in. My job this time is to design a double storeys semi-detached house. This house originally looks monotonous and normal.

The paint color is not so nice, i actually don't like the stone wall entrance. The design is normal, not much color and don't have a theme too.

As what I have observed from the houses in Batu Pahat, these damn rich people love Balinese style. 9 out of 10 house in the same row are in Balinese , yay so let's make it Balinese!

The concept of this house is to make the house owner have the closest encounter with nature. Relaxing, distress and zero distance with the nature, tempered glass and water fountain are the key element that strengthen the ambiance. Balcony to be modified as a garden, water fountain will be built from balcony to the ground. The symphony of the water and nature embraces the whole house, that bring peacefulness and relaxation to every family member.

Color wise, dark grey and light brown are widely used to make a little contrast. Thou grey doesn't look like a Balinese, but I just wanna be stubborn and make the grey and brown spark together in their chemical bonds.

All rights for this material reserved by U Search Id.

We deal with creativity, make creative solution for your living!

T.T

Sorry, I never meant to yell at you...

But please respect my decision, I have my reason. I know your worries, I understand that you care about me, but I believe you will do the same as I do too if you were in my shoes.

That's not your fault, my bad of being so emotional.

Sorry! T.T

The Pet's Story I

Pets are always our best companion when we feel lonely, down and stressed. A little movements, a little naughty will just turn me grin from ear to ear. These are the pets in my house, I love them all!

The two Syrian Hamsters in my house.


Could hardly take a clearer picture of them.

This is 'Ah Bui', as it is a real fatty. An obesity Syrian hamster. He loves taking sand bath but unfortunately due to his big body, he can't fit in any kind of 'bathroom'. Look at his messy fur.LOL


My two once babies Roborovski Hamster. Left one is Beat and right one is Bite. Beat is smart and tame while Bite is fat and lazy. *Big contrast* >.<
They always cuddle up and squeeze themselves in their running wheel. Love each other, nothing will set them apart thou they do fight sometimes.

The 'Kepo' dog, LeLe. She is the most kepo+ hyperactive dog in the world.
Breed: Schnauzer
Nick: Kepo Bitch
Interest: Being Nosy and spa in smelly drain

She always knows how to cheese!

Shy Shy, the smile of teen!

Name: KiKi
Breed: Unidentified
Nick: Unidentified
Interest: Running happily in town.

He finally knows how to pose himself in the 2nd shot. I think that's because LeLe told him to do so. LeLe is a camwhore.

Let's try another one together! Say Cheese!

LeLe will never missed a single shot, and KiKi is off again. =.=

Repo Men

Watched Repo Men yesterday, pretty much violent in this show somehow I think it is nice when there's Jude Law playing spears. Jude Law looks much older in the show, whit bald but overall he still owns the awesomeness!!

Repo Men, known as repossession men. When people signed up for car, but they never happened to pay the installment, bank will take the car back; and when people signed up for artificial organs but they never happened to pay for it, the RepoMen will then take their organs back!

That is how the world looks like in future. Inconceivable? No, I don't think so, this world will turn darker and worse than it is. Because there are unusual expensive artificial organs with the high monthly interest charged that keeps the human alive. In the future world, where drugs spread all over, everyone has bad organs and short supply of organ donation. Instead of waiting for the death, they sign up for an artificial organ which the price is impossibly gonna make it for normal or lower income family.

Only rich man can be survived, but the poor ones, in order to protect themselves, they hide and fight when they are threatened. And this situation is not gonna end forever because the world will continue rotting, people get used to the evil days. They even have artificial mind that control over the neuro that makes people live in wonderful dream forever. The war will never end until the end of the world.



People, are you ready to receive this?

Imagine

This is a nostalgic moment, I am not born in John Lenon era, but I am just in love with his songs. He might not the best singer, but the way he sings always pluck our heart strings. I was so into his song, so soothing and will never tired me. I love peace, we couldn't make peace to the real world, but we could bring peace to our minds. John Lenon had just sung our soul out, his songs bring peace to us.

This is the best song ever written. I am a dreamer, just like John Lenon do. Rest in Peace, John Lenon (9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980).

Imagine

Imagine there's no Heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

Pet Penguin

I think at least some of my dreams are not that hard to happen. ^^
I always wish to have a pet penguin, but people always tell me that is something so impossible which I could only dream on that. But now, Hmmph! People, please watch the video below:



I dont know what is his name, sounds Diwawa, or Kiwawa dont know which wawa is that but that name sounds extremely suit him, cute to max! I want one!!! I wanna give my pet penguin in future a cute name too, Miwawa? Fattywawa? a name, a name, a name, please, I must think a cute name for my pet penguin..

When I become old and slow, will you still in love with me?

When I become old and slow, will you still in love with me?



Suddenly, I dont know how this kind of feeling come across me and make me feel really bad. How could one be living in this world without true friends? I know I am always a boring one, but I care about my friends very much. What if a true friend just left without knowing how I care for them? I hate this kind of feeling, but to be rational, things like this happen. Witnessing my friends leaving me, or realizing that I am going so far away from them is a true tragedy. I know I understand but I cant do a thing when I know they love me no more.

Who would still appreciate a dork like me?

I felt real bad when watching this tube, it reminds me of my friends, at the same time my 2 hammies which just died year ago and I miss them so much.

My dream. My Life

I know many of them think I must be insane, to make such decision to stay in this small town. They think I am not smart enough, they think I have wasted my 4 years of study because of my decision. I know how other people think of me, because I am an ordinary people with ordinary thoughts. I hear laughter, and I feel despised.

I am working in an unknown small company which only has one worker, me. Every time when people asked about "what are you doing, and in what company" I will tell them that I am working in a small company which u will never heard of it. I am doing everything I could to make miracles.

I am born in this town, a so called dead city, Muar. I would never tired of asking more people to come to this dead city not because it is dead, but because it is still alive. I still choose to stay in this small town, which I have been hesitating and considering a lot before I decided to stay. I did think about my family, and also my future. I know I am being stubborn, and I don't really care how other people think about me, I don't mind at all, because they don't understand, I have dreams to pursue.

Dream in a small town like this might sound difficult, but that is my dream. I am also thinking of going abroad for Master Degree, and I will come back again to this small town. I never think it is a waste to be in Muar, because behind all these laughter, there are my dreams. Other people stop me, and even tried to wake me up, but I don't feel taking Master Degree is something wrong and I don't think working here is something humiliating.

They think I am not well prepared, they think I made wrong judgments for my life. What they think and what they say are not under my consideration anymore, because I think this is my life, I manage my life myself.

The A-Team

OMG, A-Team A-Team A-Team!!!

Auntie said she watched The A-Team before, that show was normal. I think maybe that's why The A-Team is now on the big screen again, because that is so awesome. This show deserves its glory, making more people, especially us, the younger ones to get to enjoy its awesomeness! I never watched the older version of it, guess I definitely should catch it someday.

Okay, let's talk about the show, great action, brilliant plans, cool characters and so entertaining that makes me laugh from the start till the end. That is not a comedy, but is so amusing, I madly enjoy watching it! I was like hypnotized by the story, I didn't feel uncomfortable like I used to feel when sitting on the lower row, I enjoyed watching on that seat in fact, weird. So I would tell that is all because of the movie itself, if that movie is awesome enough, audience would still enjoy watching it, even tho the seat was lousy.

The A-Team 1983

The A-Team 2010

Though both were starred by different actors, but I don't think the same crew should be called to take part in this show again as they might already grandpas of their grandsons. However, the actors did pretty well too. This show is fantastic! Thumbs up x 5 plus likes x 100,000!!!

Where I am Living in

And that is where I am living in..

I am living in a world where people fight with each others for money
I am living in a world where people know what is the benefit to fight but they are dumb enough to know what are the consequences
I am living together with a bunch of people who do not have any idea about what is peace
I am living in a world where you can find a lot of people thinking themselves are clever but start wars just because they don't wanna lose

And here is where I am living in

I truly hope, those who are lost can finally find their way
Those who are suffering can be released

Goodbye Yesterday.

等

等
记得我总爱说‘等’
等人载
等人带
等人来
等电话
等时间
等一下
等等等等等

记得 internship 的时候，我的同事兼干妈妈常会在放工时间问我，还不下班吗？
我就会告诉她，等一下，我在等我朋友的电话
她笑着说：等？你还是那句等。

人的一生好像充满了等待，这或许是一种借口，或是我太过于被动的性格，就是爱等。我总是习惯性的不生气，培养自己的耐性，我等。回想，别人也有等我的时候。我的一生，都是在等。

从前是等毕业，现在是等别人告诉我我所努力的一切值多少？人的一生是应该富裕的，富裕在于它是充实的，而不是拥有万贯家财。如果说我自己贫穷？不见得，我在等待的过程中想了好多事情，也领悟了很多。

我相信自己永远都不是最好的，我也不要求成为最好，我也不想再多做些什么让别人知道我很好。我只想等，等待我的人生开始发光，等待我所向往的安静，不需要很豪华。我在等，等待那一天的到来，等待时间将过去带走，就算那个时候得我已经白发苍苍，也没关系，人的一生，不都是在等待那一天的到来？然后，我们就会走到人生的尽头。

Those days in the small room downstairs Part II

Heard of that song Sorry by Buckcherry , that reminds me of those days. I hate the feeling of leaving, and also the feeling of seeing the leaving of others. I can't believe myself, a so called cold-blooded people would sob for Evelyn's leaving, and only I realized how deeply this house is linked with me. And I realized, how much I love staying at that place.

Sorry - Buckcherry

Oh I, have a lot to say

was thinking of my time away

I miss you and things weren't same

Cause everything inside

it never comes out right

And when I see you cry

It makes me wanna die

I'm sorry I'm bad I'm sorry you're blue

I'm sorry about all the things I said to you

And I know, I can't take it back

I love how you kiss, I love all your sound

Baby the way you make my world go round

And I just, wanted to say

I'm sorry

This time, I think I'm to blame

It's harder to get through the days

You get older and blame turns to shame

Cause everything inside

It never comes out right

And when I see you cry

It makes me wanna die

I'm sorry I'm bad I'm sorry you're blue

I'm sorry about all the things I said to you

And I know, I can't take it back

I love how you kiss I love all your sounds

Baby the way you make my world go round

And I just, wanted to say

I'm sorry

Every single day I think about how we came all this way

The sleepless nights and the tears you cried

It never too late to make it right

On the leaving day, this song was played, that turned me sad. I hope the others will still remember of this song, meaningful not only the lyrics, but the melody which all of us sang together. I wanna say sorry, for things I've said that hurt some of you, if I ever done anything that makes you hate me, I also wanna send my apology here.

I don't know whether is there still a chance for all of us to meet up again, probably when the time we see each other, it is after years. And maybe, we can't even recognise each other. I truly hope that my existence in your life is not a dirt of your life, even if it was, I hope you would rub it away.

I feel you.