I never wanted things to come to this stage. Making decision like this is very hard for me, been repeatedly asking myself, if this is the right decision to be made, wondering and pondering, I even was imagining the worst scenario and the best sweet situation that would probably happen on today. Waiting and panicking, I prayed for the best and prepared for the worst; this day came finally. I think this is probably the cruelest decision I have ever made, but what could I do when I know that was the best way out of all the worst.
I sent my brother to youth centre today, not by myself of course, but three strangers who were paid to sent him there. Me and my mom were told not to be there as all of us know that our attendance there would interrupt the process of 'sending' him to the rehab centre. My brother, from his very young age up to today, was always a naughty one. He became very rebellious especially on his adolescent age, a real troublemaker who has raised sorts of problem that mentally harassed us.
Stealing, fighting, playing truant, bullying weaklings, vandalising, participating triad, all kind of things that qualified a bad boy could be found on him. How could we endure with this kind of kid? he is only 15! We always thought that he will one day grow up and feel guilty of what he had done. We have tried many different ways to cope with him, with care, love, restriction and everything one could think of, but none could cure.
I think the most pathetic thing is not because of the ways we have tried very hard didn't work, but no matter how hard we tried, he couldn't feel the love we showered on him. I seek for advices, and everyone besides me strongly agree with my decision of sending him to centre. That is the only way, looks cruel but that will make him a good man in the future and not a piece of trash. He used to respect and love me, but I know he is probably hating me now. No tears were dropped, but I couldn't explain the feeling of lost when I was sitting on the couch, all kind of feelings were in a riot, deranged my mind.
I hope when the next time I see him, he will be much different and become a real man. All of us hope so, I truthfully hope the outcome won't turn out worse.
