I should speak up my mind someday, I always tell myself so, but time runs out and I am not allowed to do so. Days after days, I slowly forgot what I should say, and what I should explain. Sometimes, people may think that I lie a lot, oh, please forgive me that I am not an expert to tell u everything in detail. Most of the time, I am stabbed by other people's imagination or can be said story crackers.
I am okay with all these so called 'other people imagination', people may find I am a bad girl, I am fine with that. But now I realise, I should have explained more while misunderstandings arouse between me and those people I cherish much. I could not bear to notice it getting deeper and I couldn not bear to see them leaving. That is so No Way! A lot of things, I found it's too late for me to explain, and many of them has left.
Sorry that I am not a really good person who speak everything in detail to make you understand, as I've been such a fool thinking everyone would understand what I was talking about. Most of the time, I am getting lazy to explain more, all because I think there's no any big deal to explain. But, misunderstandings still happen. Inclusive of my friends, I meant close ones, my siblings and whoever that worked together with me. I must confess that I am not a 'really that friendly' person, all I do based on what I think. Sometimes, I may think of something that is just popped up in my mind out of nowhere, and I may look seriuos, or maybe silly. Perhaps because of my seriousness, people think I am ignorant.
I am not a nice talker, I do speak sacarstically sometimes, that is, for me, so hard for not being so. I hate scolding people, because it won't make me feel any better, same goes to hating people. It doesn't really work yet turn me depressed. In my own way, I think mocking with them in humourous tone would soften the tense. AND, I always think that they would understand, that I didn't mean to hurt anybody, just hope that they could get me.
I could sense while they, deliberately teasing me with a different kind of tone, that were not some friendly ones, but due to not to hurt anyone or our relationship, I chose not to explain, and admitted it. I could still remember the scene, and the teasing words, they hurt alot. Eventhough I have short memory, but those words carved in my mind and that is like forever.
What I hope is, everything getting better from now on. I decided to speak up, from now on!
Getting very late, I need to continue on my crappy assignment.
Night
