My Scary Experiences and My Body

I dunno why I feel so pissed off when I got to know my cholesterol level, which is higher than normal not to say critical but I am advised to be more aware of my own diet. And every time when I look at myself into the mirror I am agonized by my own body, what's wrong with it? I am never a thin one, but my figure now is much worse than it was. How I wish I could get my old days back...I can't even put myself on my old clothes.

The nutritionist said it is probably due to my diet, sleeping habit, emotion or maybe I was stressed out. All these factor my high cholesterol. I don't really agree with diet as I did control my diet...not very strict but at least I did control a little by not taking much of oily stuffs, I ate a lot of veggies and it is way alot than before. Maybe I am getting older and my metabolism rates went down, but I have tried to cut down many things which are not healthy in my daily diet program unless sometimes I have to attend some dinners. I cut down a lot of my food portion, and I don't eat much lately since I felt something wrong with my body.

I always worried about my body, as I can feel something went wrong already. I dared not to find out the problem but before I went for body check-up, I must make myself at least better than the worst condition of my body. And I put efforts in controlling diet, exercising and taking health supplement.

You must be wondering what makes me think that my body has gone wrong. I don't know if any of you have gone through this kind of feeling when you think of to do something, your brain tell your parts to do it but your other body parts don't really do the exactly is assigned to. This first happened when I was in my secondary, I used to play piano, and I enjoyed playing piano as it is my life. And I forgot when, it happened around 7 to 8 years ago, one day when I was playing piano, my mind suddenly blank-out and my fingers stopped on the keys in the sudden and they were not under my control, not moving for maybe 5 to 10 minutes. I thought I was going paralyzed, and don't know why I cried to myself bitterly at that time. I don't know why would it happen, its like the clock in my brain had stopped working but I ain't a cyborg! How could this be possibly happened on me? By not knowing how, I felt like a mummy who is totally lost on how to nurture her rebellious kids, that lost. That was very scary, I am so fear of this kind of feeling. Like I am going to the heaven in any time.

This kind of feeling do come back at times, and I could feel myself is moving and thinking slower compared to year ago. Does this mean I am getting seriously older? I dared not tell anyone, even my family as I know they will think that is not a big deal at all. I don't wanna make them think that I am a paranoid. But that had make me a little phobia of playing piano. Then finally, I had my body check-up, everything is quite fine, but some old people's problems, cholesterol and too much consumption of protein.

If all those scary experiences were caused by my cholesterol and protein, it is considered not so scary after all. At least they are something I could maybe work out on it myself, dont have to go through surgery. Thank God by the way, I am still considered okay, will take good care of myself, I swear!