TOO BORED TO BE DEAD

TOO BORED TO BE DEAD!

What should I touch on? 3D? Website? Thinking Technique?

Holy Shit, there is NONE I favor!!




I know I am supposed to do my FYP now instead of blog...But I cant do anything right now as I was asked to wait slowly, cos there are 20 more FYPs on her desk,and I am perhaps the 21st or maybe worse..my little poor (36 pieces of paper which cost me RM 7.20 + RM 0.50 charges for internet = RM 7.70) FYP is queuing for slaughtering, cant really bear to imagine how is she going to be slaugthered in the Operation Room

AND all I can do is to wait...and I left all things undone there..

==cool supervisor and unlucky me==

By The Way,

Some sweet encounters in this morning during Communication Law lecture, and I can conclude, Advertising students and Broadcasting students are all people from Creative industry, so facts and laws bore them. Here is the prove:

half of the class, AVs and BCs are sleeping while lecturer is teaching in front, and I am trying to join them.....

special note to Shin2:

JIA YOU BA!

My work was terrible....however, she didn't even mention about urs is terrible as mine,at least not that bad ba?!

心力交瘁了

不知道是不是因为经历太多还是真的老了，我开始觉得有点心力交瘁了。

昨天发了点脾气，在朋友面前，其实也觉得自己过分了。不知怎么的，我开始很难去控制自己的脾气。

以前总会配合别人，总是告诉自己忍着点，就算委屈，也不要生气。我最怕的，就是因为争吵而破坏彼此的感情。不管是家人或是朋友，为了避免不必要的争执，我会选择沉默，或是假装听不见。

我想，我为什么会那么的感情用事，发脾气，也许是因为我觉得很孤单吧。大家都想要得到好的成果，但都让我觉得不怎么努力。如果想每每都走捷径的话，就别想要求进步了。错了，就改，失败了，再试！这有什么难呢？从来就没有行或不行，只有要或不要，不是吗？也许是理念和想法都不一样，我的这些想法都变成了咄咄逼人的一种毒药。人闻人惊。

我其实不是生气吧，只是感到失望。

Im a Pessimistic Perfectionist

Problem will get worse if that was mankind handling it. But time different, it dissolves everything, everything that we think is so hard to be solved.

Read the old entries of blog, realized my stupidity and thought of deleting some of them. Yet, I found them a good evident that m actually growing older, and more toning down, so I decided to keep them with my weblog. Time flies, and it did take away some really bad memories formally, things are seemingly slowing down. Just a little here and there giving me more problems, but there are no perfection in life, things shouldn't be perfect either way. So, who the hell cares?!

Many thoughts miscellaneously came across my mind today, I remembered how I was accused, I remembered how I was being hated. Ha, hell I don't really care, those things for me are entertainment now.Maybe, years ago, I will be very angry for some untrue accusations, I will not say that were defamation, because that was actually not a big deal. Everyone everyday says something defamatory about ones. They talk due to what they think, from their point of view, that's their imagination or can be said creativity, so just let them be creative!

I remembered, how I was labeled as 'perfectionist', haha, but in a bad way! They think I've expected too much from others. When people working with me, they dislike me cos m a damn perfectionist that pressure them to hell. I admit it, actually admitted it long ago. I don't like to argue, and I will try to sarcastically respond:

My sisters dislike me,cos m not a good sister, they dare not ask any help from me, cos I would nag then I would teach them how to do instead of do it for them. Dislike aroused, hatred grow. None I done will be a good thing for them.Ok Ok, I don't care, I won't angry because if u are seeing me as somebody u dislike very much, have guts and come defeat me and make me silent for my entire life. Don't feel hatred but still doing the same old things repeatedly and never improved!

I 'hearsay' People dislike me because I am very pessimistic. Yes, I am pessimistic, that's me. When I think positively, u will think I am a nut that or over react or maybe will think that I am over confident yet not capable at all. When I feel sad, U would say I am always so negative and dare not to talk to me. It can't work either way, I won't respond, because there's no point for me to explain to people that won't listen to others and won't understand others' feeling. So, I shut my mouth up.

I will shut my mouth up because I am a damn perfectionist that very pessimistic and always expect a lot from others but not capable at all.

End here, goodnight!

怕黑

我。。。其实很害怕黑。很惊讶吧？我这种外表坚强到很难以相处的人，为什么怕黑？
从小，就常会被噩梦惊醒，四周没人，只有被我在四周摆得满满的洋娃娃。从小，就觉得四周围的洋娃娃可以带给我安全感。它们每一个都有自己的工作岗位，我最爱的会被摆在靠我最近的地方，我不爱的，就只能乖乖的呆在脚下成为我的守护者。 我怕黑，因为它让我非常的无助。
我甚至可以为了逃离黑暗，寻找安全感而作出很多人都无法想象的事。这一点，在我中学时的一个生活营中被我自己发现到的。

当时我们每一个人都被安排坐在一个伸手不见五指的树林里，我害怕得全身发抖，四周静得只能够听见昆虫的叫声。对我来说，其实不只是昆虫的叫声罢了，还有一些更可怕的声音。于是我鼓起勇气，大喊，有人在吗？ 听见队友就在我不远的前方，我这个夜盲摸黑地走到她那一头
两人开心的相拥。 后来，当我被发现不在自己的地方时，我被训了一顿教官后来特地将我的这一段在集会时对所有人说大家的反应开始时是非常的惊讶的，全场一片哗然。

其实教官生气的原因是，我不顾规则，不顾他们的警告私自离开，万一发生不幸，或是失踪，这些都是没有人敢想象的。可是在贬我的话当中，却还是被他们赞了一句勇敢，因为没有人敢在漆黑的环境下行动，只有我。

我当时好想哭，因为对我来说，那并不是我的勇敢，而是我被环境所逼，因为害怕而做出的举动。并不会有人了解我的无助，我很怕黑，很害怕很多事情，因为并不会有人知道黑暗给我带来的恐惧！


黑眼圈

Live Excellently!

It's been really a long time since my last wrote, it's been very long time I couldn't even set myself free to think, to feel and to relax.Those are something which I am not allowed to do in my current life. I always remind myself, that I have more and more to do, instead of emotionally think of the other matters for my future.

My life is so unsecured, I dare not to sleep in the place where I am not comfortable with, I afraid of one day just after I fell asleep and I could never wake up again. Even in the dream, when I noticed I was in a dream, I called my name repeatedly waking myself up from the fake scene. I need to make my mind clear all the time, I need to pinch myself or even scold myself vulgarly, to make sure my mind is ready for everything. A storm, a thunder or a heavy rain will freak me out especially when I was asleep.

The miserable experiences in my life are not backing me off. The only thing that make myself weak is my own principle, which I will never bow to the golden feces. I don't love money, it is the most evil thing in this world. Money is created because of humans greediness and selfishness. What makes me today, is the ugliness of humans behavior and the stinkiness of money. What is there I could do more for myself? The answer is no, nothing. I must bow to the money, because I want to make a change to my life.

Once, I thought myself is intelligent enough to see through the true color behind the skin, and yes, I am really that capable to do so, but people change. I forgot, everything will change from time to time, both ups and downs change a person to another person. That's enough, I won't ever give a shit on what is right or what is wrong in my life, I want myself back. Mourning for my dead soul, I have been asking myself, why am I doing all these things which I dislike about? Responsibilities tied me over the things which I hate the most.

There are people I should care about, I couldn't run away from them, because of the responsibility. I owe to them, such a heavy word, but that is true. I wish I could live excellently, live for the real meaning of my life. Before I could make it, I must make it happen on the life of everyone around me. I could give up on lipsticks, mascara and branded shoes, just to invest the money on your dream.

What I was always nagging on you is not because I was eating your heart out, I just wanted you to seek of the meaning of your life. I want you to live excellently, don't have to bother what people has doubted about you, just do yourself, find out who you are and who you want to be.

All the responsibilities I have been carrying, is not about praises and awards to ask from you. I willing to carry everything for you, just want you to find out your own life by yourself. To seek out what is the most important thing that you should do now. I want you to be very alert on everyone in this world, just in case if one day, I am no longer there for you, so I am here now to remind you. Go, go for your life, a positive and healthy way which could lead you to a brighter future! I could sacrifice mine for you, just need your cooperation to make it happen. I don't know how much in this letter you would really bear in mind, but I must say before everything is too late.

Do not respect money, materials and power, but respect your own success and be our proud!

To my younger sisters and brother who still have a long way to go in their lives.
I wish they could live better than me, do things they really passion about, and be loved because of their excellences!


Loved
Y'alls 3rd Sis